Airing My Dirty Laundry In Public.

The bain of my stay at home existance.  The thorn in my side, the pain in my domestic aspirations.  Ugh the trials of my laundry.  Yes, I am going to lament the state of my laundry. 

Ok, the reason I decided to write about this started with a comment somone made to me recently when they found out how large our family is.

"So...what is that like?  Like, if your making dinner how many chickens do you cook?"

This is my reality, so....it's my reality, but many people just can't imagine what its like to live with so many people.  So I have decided to do some posts on just what its like from a logistics standpoint to have a super sized family.

The first thing I will tell you about my laundry is; it is insane.  I'm not trying to exagerate but really insane. 

We produce at least 15 pairs of dirty underwear everyday.  Ok, your doing the math, 11 people in the family...15 pairs of undwear?  I'm not going to shock you with the details, lets just say that kids are gross, especially the ones that are potty training, and those recently potty trained..ish.  

105 pairs of underwear a week, holy bleach loads daddy.  Can you say comando Fridays?

154 socks per week!

When I first started staying home I very quickly decided that if the kids could find any two clean (or reasonably clean) socks on their own then that was good enough for me.  The thought of matching socks and delivering them back to assigned drawers, fantasy.  So matching socks and my kids, nope. Maybe on Sundays and special occasions, somtines if we are going to someones home that has a shoes off policy.   If I say your socks need to match, they ask what's the holiday.  Our socks go directly from the dryer into a large yard waste sized bin for communal storage and then its good luck to ya.

How many loads?  4-5 loads per day, ugh.  The little ones rarly make it through the whole day without a costume change, then there are all the dance clothes, towels, sheets, and don't even get me started on why kids need to get a new dish towel every time they spill something in the kitchen.

I am awsome at getting the loads sorted, washed, dryed and then I have a problem.  The folding, never enough time.  We just call it "the pile"  Dad I can't find my team jacket, pants, coat, bra, whatever..."check the pile"  This is the 6 foot tall mountian of clean stuff that grows outside the laundry room door during the week.  (at this point, please someone say they can relate to this) It grows and spreads down the hall as the kids paw through it looking for school clothes until Saturday when we get to this......

 

help. me.

Its more like fresh straw tossed into a stall for the farm animals!

Note, that this pile does not include any blankes, sheets, towels!  The kids always fold anything square or rectangular first even though I will never let them wear a comforter to school....or a wash cloth for that matter.

So there it is, super size family laundry.  I don't have a double set of washers and dryers so my fantsies of clothes that you just compost after one use, colors that don't bleed, kids that don't spill or pee, cotton that doesn't shrink and tropical climates where all but the minimum of clothes are usless,  will continue. 

Oh, and I cook 3 whole chickens at a time.

Traveler Vintage Map Dresser

I didn't take pictures of the before for this one but thats OK.  Its a great mid century dresser and I have enamaled vintage maps to the drawer fronts. 

Where do you want to go?

This one is going to go quick, but I can make another with a similar asthetic.  Comment, message or visit my etsy store for details capablefather.etsy.com

Upcycled Vintage Lace Stenciled Table Before and After

I've got a before and after for you today.   I found this table, solid wood still great for many years of use but super ugly.

So, you know the procedure by now, clean the stuff off, sand until I can't breath....and paint magic.  This time I tried something a little different.  I found a few yards of vintage lace that had a really great pattern.  After I had a couple of coats of black paint I used some spray starch and ironed the lace on top of the table.  Then I used antique white and painted over the lace.  After the paint dried, well mostly dried, I took the lace off. 

The effect was great, it turned out perfect. 

 

 



 It looks even better in person, measures 42" and is selling for $225.  I have it listed on etsy;
https://www.etsy.com/listing/117987925/hand-painted-distressed-black-and

This would be great for a kitchen table, craft table, game table, dining table.....

Oh, my kids just said it would be great in a retail store too, cuz it looks like a Victoria's Secret panty table......I don't know, did that just ruin it for you?

Potty Mouth

I haven't blogged about the adventures of my large family lately, even though they give me lots of stories I could share.  They don't leave me with lots of time!  This I had to share.

We have been working on potty training for about a decade straight around here, OK not really but it does seem like it.  I'm sure that I have reached some sort of lifetime record for most poopy diapers changed, at one point we had 5 in diapers and one developmentally delayed teen in pull ups!  Holy Crap! Literally.  You get creative disposing of that many diapers..... that's another post.

 

Well, Bits has been working on potty training for almost a year and we are finally having some success, with kids who have a history of trauma it just seems to take longer and be a more difficult transition.  She is three and a half and is finally getting the hang of it. 

This is big news, in the whole community

Recently I had to attend Gellys IEP, this is a meeting with all the service providers at the school for kids who are in Special Ed classes.  No sitter, so the babies were coming with me.  The last IEP meeting the babies came with me too, about 10 minutes into that meeting both of them pooped and filled the small office with a stink cloud that you could almost taste and probably clung to everyone's clothes for the rest of the day, gak.

So when we made it through the entire meeting this time with Bits sitting in the chair next to me and Jack-Jack playing quietly in the stroller, I was thinking, yeah, who's the dad! I'm so awesome, check out my perfectly well behaved non-poopin kids.

Then Bits took control of the meeting. All the paperwork had been signed and there was some chit chat going on as people began to get up.  Bits had waited patiently and sensed here moment.  She put her hands on the table and says, "everyone"  pause until everyone is looking at her, "so... I am totally pooping in the toilet!"  She looks around the room, glowing with pride.  Nobody says anything so she continues,  "sometimes I puuuuush (making a grunting noise) and make a giant, giant daddy poop!  throwing her arms wide!

Me:  Uhhhh.....

Sideways glances at me as they all try not to show on their faces that they just imagined me on the toilet. 

It was at this point that the Speech Therapist jumped right in with enthusiasm and says, "I love to poop on the toilet!"

Bits giggles and turns to the Principal, where do you poop?  She answers that she loves to poop on the toilet too!

We all then proceed to spend the next few minutes talking about where we poop and how much we all love to poo, no seriously this really happened.  And in a totally non creepy way...It gave me so much more confidence in Gelly's teachers.

The combination of a three year old with a personality as big as the sun and a bunch of Special Ed providers, that really get kids, made our poopy meeting kind of touching.  If they could recognize that my three year old needed this fecal fan club (that was funny) and jumped right in to encourage her, they were going to do a great job for my Gelly too.

It did encourage my little potty mouth however...

We have now talked about pooping with everyone at the pre-school, the cashiers at the IGA, and Safeway, all the parents at the bus stop, strangers in line at Goodwill, and just about anyone who will make eye contact with Bits. 

Yesterday she yelled, at the top of her lungs "I POOP IN THE TOILET!"  several times at the drive-thru order screen while I was ordering burgers.  They didn't hear her, so she had to yell some clarifying details when we pulled up to the pick up window.  "THERE'S NO POO IN MY PANTIES, JUST PRETTY PONIES!"

I just smile and ask for extra napkins.

Antique Office Chairs Before and After

 

 

 

 

 

I love old things so when I found a pair of these early 1900's office chairs I loved them despite the fact that they were missing casters and coverd in grime.  One of my favorite parts was the gears and engineering that was put into them to make them ajustable, very industrial. 

 

 

Here's the before

 



 

 

 

Here's the after!

 

 

 

I stripped off all the gunk that had built up over the last hundred years, painted them a deep black, and then distressed ther paint job.  That was followed by a layer of stain.  Then I used some images out of a antique natural history text, illustrations of butterflys and moths and applied those to the chairs.  I love the mix of the natural and the industrial on the chairs, its ugly beautiful.  Finally a hand rubbed sealer for durability.   Oh, I almost forgot I replaced the casters with copper casters.

 

These chairs trigger all my horder instincts, but there is a limit to how many chairs I can have... so these are off to market!

Chalk Paint Farmhouse Green

I'm doing a second post today of furniture because I was able to finish another great project today!   It's a pair of antique dressers that I used my own chalk paint mix to paint.  In a future post I will share the recipe that I'm using and loving the results. 

So once again I didn't take the time to do before pics, use your imagination.

 

 

 

I'll have these at market this weekend too, or contact me for private showing/pick up.



 

 

 

Pink and Grey

Here is a set of furniture that I just upcycled this week, dresser, night stand, vanity and bench.  This is a set of furniture my girls have all been asking to trade out their current furniture.  Sorry girls, its going to market!

It's beautiful vintage french provential and I have used a deep slate-ish grey and a peachy-pink stripe, finished off with a distressing. 

I will have this set at the Fremont Sunday Market tomorrow, unless it sellls today!

 

 

 

 

Contact me via the blog or text, 425-394-3031 for pricing and additional details!