We have very open adoptions with all of our adopted kids, we have adopted a sibling set of three, and then one little guy on his own. Then there are the 5 biological kids too.
When I say open that doesn't just include birth moms, this includes birth dad's grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts and so forth. We have contact with with someone from our kids birth families, now our families at least a couple times a week, we love it this way. Our goal in adoption was to add to our children's lives not take anyone away from them.
So it was not a surprise when birth mom for our 6, 4, and 2 year old called this week. We have an easy relationship with her, she is really respectfull of the fact that we are the parents; and we want her to remain in the kids lives. She has thanked us for doing what she could not, it's really special, we treasure it.
But this call put us into new territory we have not had to deal with yet. She call to tell us that she was having another baby. Mixed feelings, part of me wanted to say are you crazy, part of me wanted to say I know your trying hard, congratulations.
The tricky part will be to talk to our kids about this. Gelly, the 6 year old is super protective of his younger siblings, he wants them to be safe and take care of them. When they came to us he was only 4 but would not let either of them out of his sight, he even had to show me how to change the diapers, which he was still in himself, and make the bottles for the baby. He was accustom to being a tiny daddy.
I worry that a new baby will bring those feelings back for him, will confuse all the kids as to why they can't be with birth mom but a new baby can. And I know Gelly will ask if Mommy is still using bad drugs and worry about what that means for a new baby. Concerns that should be left for the grow ups but won't. I so want to protect them from any more pain.
I worry for birth mom, is she ready? Will history repeat or has she learned? I know that it was heartbreaking for her to give up her children even though she knew it was the best thing for them. Will this new baby change that or continue... we love her and don't want her to have to deal with that pain again.
I do know that all this new family that came along with our children and us are now a team. That we can work together. I know without a doubt that their birth families support us and want the best for the kids. They were so brave to give us the chance to raise them, we love them for that. We will work together through what ever comes in the future...
My sincere prayer is that a new baby can bring joy for the family........but only time will tell.